Dear Neighbour

Everybody at some time has one of those neighbours you wish you could stuff into a box, slap on an International postage stamp by Sea Mail and say, 'Ta ta' too. We have one of those right next door to us who obviously needs more to do in her life. This letter to the neighbour is dedicated to all of us who have to deal with such people whose lives are so empty, they need to suck the life out of others.

Dear Neighbour,


I am writing this letter to you as I see you watching me, seeking for something to offend you so you can pick up your phone and send the police out on yet another trip which takes them away from going after those who are actually breaking the law. Yes, I am talking to you.


The first time you rang the police was when I took photos of my children on my moped. When you rang the police, you did not tell them about the photos I took off them as their bodies were covered in clothing but when the children removed their clothes and asked for photos taken of them on my moped while naked, well, this got you riled up, didn't it?


When the police officers knocked on my front door asking to see the photos, I showed them happily. In fact, I offered to show them before they got the chance to ask. When I showed the police officer the photos, I showed him the photos of my children both clothed and naked. When he asked why I was showing him the photos of the children clothed, I replied that it was because they were also the photos I took of them. No police action was taken because there was and still is, nothing illegal committed.


What happened to you that made you so frustrated? Was it organised religion? Was it something else that made you judgmental where you would openly question other neighbours who, to you, were far below your level of superior morality?


What is it that offends you when you see little children who were at the time, too young to attend school, naked in the backyard while playing? Surely there isn't anything sexual about a 3 or 4 year old running around the backyard letting off all that energy while naked?


On this night, as I stood at the washing machine under the house putting in the clothes needing to be washed, I heard from your direction a noise. I turned and saw you sitting on your front door step watching me while under the house. Were daylight, your vision would have been minimal but due to it being night time and I had the light on so I could see, you would have seen me through the fencing barrier surrounding the area directly underneath the house I live in.


Yes, I suppose you felt highly offended when I removed all my clothing and put them in the washing machine. After having police turn up because you saw me naked in my backyard on a dark night at 3am, I won't be surprised if you ring the police again for being naked under the house. Please note that should you have the police on my door for this, then I will most definitely raise that you had to be spying, peeping under the house late at night and for this, I will demand that you be charged for whatever the relevant crime is.


I would prefer though that you find a hobby that distracts you from moralising the whole street via your favourite tool, the police. Maybe that would be too hard for you though. You could distract yourself by moralising your own family where your adult aged children have sex in the backyard during the day for all to see or, maybe jump on the drug taking.


To all the neighbours like you and including yourself, you're missing out on far too much in life by shoving your unwanted nose into other peoples business. Go out and enjoy life instead of having to find something that offends you. You'll be happier for it!